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Fuck my life - quotes
sealy
lil big bastard

avatar sealy

Registered: 20 Feb 2002
Location: @huis
Posts: 4847
11 Feb 2009

vette site met vette quotes smilie

http://www.fmylife.com/

    Quote
    Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied "diet coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular coke." He shook his head and said again, "diet coke."


    Quote
    Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples."


    Quote
    Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents.


    Quote
    Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital sex - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically.


    Quote
    Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to."


    Quote
    Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine.

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    Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian because no men will have me." Thanks mum.

    Quote

    Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me.

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Caman
3D Bastard

avatar Caman

Registered: 11 Apr 2001
Location: up yours
Posts: 4721
11 Feb 2009

kan er ook zo een paar toevoegen
Take my hand and lead me to myself...
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-W-
Bushmeister

avatar -W-

Registered: 26 Apr 2005
Location: Eindhoven
Posts: 1111
12 Feb 2009

ik niet
Het heelal is vol magische dingen die geduldig wachten tot ons verstand er scherp genoeg voor is. - Eden Phillpotts (1934)

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Rainman
BMW Bastard

avatar Rainman

Registered: 11 Apr 2001
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 5391
12 Feb 2009

    Quote originally posted by -W- @ 2009-02-12 09:08:39
    ik niet


Ik geloof er niets van...
The only reason that you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you. - Jack Bauer
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Gorgeous George
Opmerk Bastard

Registered: 13 Jul 2001
Location: BehindMy21
Posts: 4748
12 Feb 2009



hij kan vast iets verzinnen met zijn allergien ofzo
Rainman
BMW Bastard

avatar Rainman

Registered: 11 Apr 2001
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 5391
12 Feb 2009

Inderdaad. Iemand nog een stukje gemberkoek? smilie
The only reason that you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you. - Jack Bauer
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-W-
Bushmeister

avatar -W-

Registered: 26 Apr 2005
Location: Eindhoven
Posts: 1111
12 Feb 2009

    Quote originally posted by Rainman @ 2009-02-12 13:05:18
    Inderdaad. Iemand nog een stukje gemberkoek? smilie


lekker smilie
Het heelal is vol magische dingen die geduldig wachten tot ons verstand er scherp genoeg voor is. - Eden Phillpotts (1934)

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Rainman
BMW Bastard

avatar Rainman

Registered: 11 Apr 2001
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 5391
13 Feb 2009



Ah nee Frax pakt net het laatste stukje smilie
The only reason that you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you. - Jack Bauer
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Caman
3D Bastard

avatar Caman

Registered: 11 Apr 2001
Location: up yours
Posts: 4721
13 Feb 2009

neem ik wel wat gehakt dan smilie
Take my hand and lead me to myself...
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-W-
Bushmeister

avatar -W-

Registered: 26 Apr 2005
Location: Eindhoven
Posts: 1111
13 Feb 2009

    Quote originally posted by Caman @ 2009-02-13 06:09:13
    neem ik wel wat gehakt dan smilie


heb ik niet echt veel problemen mee...
Het heelal is vol magische dingen die geduldig wachten tot ons verstand er scherp genoeg voor is. - Eden Phillpotts (1934)

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rens
Flying Bastard

avatar rens

Registered: 18 Oct 2002
Location: Behind-U
Posts: 1256
15 Feb 2009

Wuppie liep laatst door de stad en van achter hoorde hij allemaal mannen fluiten, hij draaide om en de mannen schrokken, ze dachten dat hij een vrouw was met mooie lang blond haar. smilie
You want some, come get some!!!!!
fraXTC
Bad-hairday Bastard

avatar fraXTC

Registered: 28 Jun 2001
Location: Under_your_skin
Posts: 2457
26 Mar 2009

Die site is briljant als je wat in een dipje zit smilie
"http("http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TUzaW0-K1k") . "\" target=\"_blank\">Wat deze man ook gedaan heeft.. ik vergeef het hem"


sealy
lil big bastard

avatar sealy

Registered: 20 Feb 2002
Location: @huis
Posts: 4847
29 Mar 2009

Nog een aantal quotes, dit keer uit de rechtzaal:

IK heb geen zin om elke keer een nieuw topic aan te maken dus ik ram voortaan gewoon alles hieronder

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.





ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________ ______________



ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________



ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you joking me?

_________________________________________



ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: getting laid

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________



ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________



ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________



ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________



And the best for last:



ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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